Stop interrupting the people in your house with the mundane business of life

Keep the fun alive while living together and getting things done.

I'm a homeschooling mom of three with a husband who works a lot from home. As a result I've spend a lot of time and trial-and-error figuring how to live together almost continuously so that we all still like each other. What I've come to realize is this:

Don't bug the people you live with.

It's easier said than done sometimes. Dishes. Groceries. Garbage. Maintenance inside the house. Maintenance in the yard. If you have kids or animals or live-ins? Talk about even more maintenance. You get it. You know it.

Living together means working together.

This sounds like an obvious concept but I didn't know the extent of it before I got married. Maybe you didn't either.

After over 16 years of family life I'm convinced that not understanding the work-life balance inside the home is where so many families go wrong. It's where kids stop reaching out to their parents to chat. It's where spouses disappear into the garage or their friendships or their iPhone. It's where people roll their eyes and stop listening.

So what do you do? How do you get things done in the house and for the household (and have your kids, partner, roommates, whoever you live with also get things done) so that you still want to be together?

It boils down to three simple rules.

1. If it has to be said that red hot minute and someone else needs to do it, do what you have to do. Say it, yell it, repeat it. If someone is late and they have to let the dog out... use your words. Sometimes loud words. 

2. If it does not have to be said that red hot minute and you can say it in a way that keeps it fun, lighthearted, and positive, go ahead and say it if you want to. If you find that your comment about loading the dishwasher puts a damper on the dinner conversation, next time use rule #3.

3. Communicate non red-hot minute work issues through work channels. There are many choices.

• Make a family text thread.
  (If you text, no judgment from me. I love it.) Everyone puts the thread on silent so you all know you can text at midnight when you find shoes in the middle of the floor by tripping on them. You can remind folks to please put the shoes away on the thread. Silent threads are the modern equivalent of a bulletin.
• Have family meetings.
  Weekly, monthly, as often as you need to. Schedule a meeting and utilize non-violent communication strategies while you're there. Have a talking stick folks pass around so everyone gets to speak interrupted (only the one holding the stick can speak). Use whatever strategies you have to make the meeting a place where people get heard and solutions and positive consensus are the goal. Even with children as young as four. Don't underestimate them.
• Put it in writing.
  Lists of responsibilities, plans and goals for the month. Who does what. Put it in writing. White board. Huge sticky note. Online app. Whatever works.
• Text them while they are sitting there.
  If your live-in loved ones has a phone with them, sometimes the best way to communicate is just to text. "Do you have plans for making dinner tonight?" A text gives someone time to think about it and respond. Some people thing better in writing. They can finish that article they are reading before they reply. Thinkers can send Feelers a heart emoji and get a better-feeling reply. ;)

But what about general conversation?

It's always a good rule of them to ask someone if they are ready to have a conversation or answer a question. There they are, sitting there reading something. Ask them before you launch into your daily download or find out if they took out the garbage to the curb. "Is this a good time to talk about...?" They may say yes. They may say, "let me finish this chapter".

My point is: work is work and we all need a break from it. A mental break. An emotional break. A physical break. A safe break.

Allow your audience to get into "work mode" before you talk about work. Let them shift gears. Set aside time for it. Make a work-flow. And ask those you live with to give you the same courtesy.

Once you separate (when it’s a burden) the business of living together from actual life together the stress levels in your house and in those live-in relationships will decrease. The people at home–you included–will relax more without those unnecessary (and sometimes just downright unpleasant) interruptions.

What happens when you don't fear the interruptions?

You will play more together. Reach out to each other more. Enjoy each other’s company more.

You will love living together more even while things still get done.

​Most of the time. ;)